The Real Kaoruko
by btamamura
Summary: Sequel to That Night. Kaoruko's thoughts through the years, events which led to her coming out.


**The Real Kaoruko**

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Okane ga Nai, nor its characters. If I did, there would be less rape and more Kaoruko._

_**Here is the sequel to **_**That Night**_**, the fic in which Kaoruko recounts the night he came out to Ayase. I have read and appreciated each and every review I have received, thank you to those of you who had read it. I noticed there were some of you who wished I had added Kaoruko's thoughts, what had led to her coming out and why did she do that? Here is the fic that follows her thought process. I'm sorry, but it is a short fic...if I made it any longer, I fear I may have become repetitive. I am referring to her with the masculine pronoun as this is all in the past...**_

_**As for the pressure mentioned later on...I have felt that same pressure when I realised my own sexuality, and felt it ease when I came out to my friends and family. Thankfully, mine resulted better...**_

_**Anyway, here's the fic, I do hope you enjoy it, and please do leave a review to let me know if this is what you were after. **_

Someya Kaoruko had known from a young age that he was different from the other boys. While most of them would play with cars or wrestle with each other on the ground, he preferred keeping his distance from such activities and would join the girls in playing with dolls or even agreeing to be the mother when playing House. When he dressed up, it was never in male clothes, he always felt more comfortable in a dress.

Because of this being evident, his father transferred him to an all-boys school, hopefully it would make him more of a man. But, Kaoru's hopes were seriously dashed as he learned in the later years.

No matter what the boys were doing, Kaoruko would prefer watching, or would draw beautiful pictures of things boys would not draw. It got to the point that most of his peers started calling him a girl. Strangely, that made him feel comfortable. He didn't understand why, but he felt better being called a girl, not a boy.

As the years passed, Kaoruko grew to adore his father a lot. At first, Kaoru took that as a good sign...but then he remembered one of his colleagues making a passing remark about how girls adore their fathers while boys are closer to their mothers. He tried to have Kaoruko spend more time with his mother, but that didn't help matters much. He once caught his son reading a women's magazine. In his disgust, he tore the magazine from his hands, tore it in half and tossed it into the bin, before screaming at Kaoruko to not read such things. He then gave his wife a good talking to for putting ideas into his head.

Kaoruko knew something was different. He didn't know what. He knew he preferred wearing dresses and make-up. He preferred dolls. He preferred reading about hunky movie stars. He preferred watching chick flicks. He never felt uncomfortable being called a girl by his peers. What was it? Why? He didn't know...not until he was about 18 years old. Not until that night he decided to research it after speaking with a girl he'd met online. He used a web browser and described what made him different. He read all night long, certain to receive a good scolding for being up so late, and finally found the answer as to why he was different. He was a woman trapped in a man's body...he was transexual. No wonder he always found feminine things more comforting to him, no wonder he found masculine things were just wrong...

The month before his twenty-first birthday, Kaoruko was feeling something inside him. It was a feeling that wanted to come out, but wouldn't...couldn't. What was that feeling? He didn't exactly understand, not at that moment. But, that night, as he got online and found a chatroom made specifically for the LGBT community, he came out to the people also online. He found the feeling eased. Ah, so that's what it was. It was the pressure of keeping it a secret. It was building and building. It was a pressure that would have to be released, if not it may have destructive results. But, he knew releasing that pressure would not be so easy, not in this day and age. Not with the father he had. _But, surely if he loves me he will accept me, right?_ he asked himself.

The answer was hard to find. The number of times he had been yelled at for doing anything feminine were innumerable, the times he was praised for doing something right were less than that. What was he to do then? The pressure he was feeling had to be let out, he had to tell his family. But, he just couldn't get up the courage to do that. Not at that moment. But, soon. But, would that time be the right time? When would be the right time? Is there a right time? He didn't know the answer, he knew he had to find it. But, what would happen as the end result? Many people he spoke with on the LGBT chatroom had negative experiences with coming out. Some had been disowned. Some had been threatened. Some had been attacked. Some were lucky to still be alive. All went to that chatroom for support. He hoped in the end he would not need the same support he helped give to others that night.

All month leading to that day, his birthday, Kaoruko summoned up the courage he'd need for his announcement. He thought that maybe it would be clearer if he actually looked the part, so he went out to buy himself some new clothes and make-up, specifically for that night. Every night he would don the outfit, practice walking in the shoes, practice what he would say. He felt the pressure easing little by little, but he knew until he came out to his family, the pressure would still build.

Finally, the night arrived, and he came out to everyone at the party. The reactions were not what he'd hoped for, specifically from his father. He wanted his father's approval, and was disowned that night. His mother was more accepting, and he spent the night crying out his pain of being disowned by the man he looked up to, crying in his mother's arms, falling asleep in his mother's arms, staying in his mother's arms.

The following day, he hopped online, signed into the chatroom and accepted the support of everyone who had helped give him courage to come out and finally be the real Kaoruko.


End file.
